Not all gifts made by children are made with love

How many mums woke up Christmas morning to a surprise present?  I am a believer in the thought counting higher than the cost of the gift but even I was more than a little disappointed this year. 

During an evening of entirely masculine festivities, my youngest child engaged in a Christmas Eve drinking game.  Now we have all been at that party so there is no need for any condemnation but at a guess, not many went home to flood the kitchen.  Now I understand that the flood was unintentional, but that did not make it any less messy. 

Apparently, child number three was feeling fine until he arrived home during the early hours and decided to eat the Simply Indian meal his devoted parents had purchased the previous evening.  However, prior to starting on his own plate, he thought he would finish off his sisters left over Grouse Pub Chinese first.  He is a considerate boy; he appreciates the cost of a takeaway meal and does not like waste. 

Within minutes of the food attempting to front crawl its way across several pints of larger, it accepted defeat and turned to retrace its steps. 

Taken by surprise, my son was considerate enough to hold it in from the dinning table to the kitchen sink, and for that, I am grateful. However, in a rush of innocent youth, he thought that turning on the tap at full throttle would clear the offending regurgitated mass whilst he cleared up a little premature seepage.  Experienced vomiters know you cannot wash the lumps down a drainpipe, you have to pick them out, which is why practised vomiters prefer to use a toilet.    

Within seconds, the plughole was blocked and the sink was full.  A vomit topped tsunami washed across the work surface before cascading over the edge, seeping into cupboards and draws on its travels.  Anyone who has ever been unfortunate enough to experience a leaking pipe will know that water gets everywhere.  Pools of it settled inside a pair of Marigolds, it found its way into a new box of plastic bin sacks, as well as into the canned food cupboard and the clean draws.  Now the boy did attempt a clean up job using an entire pack of kitchen towels, as well as my brand new Christmas themed hand and tea towels, before stumbling off to bed, leaving a trail of unsavoury clothing on the landing from the stairs to his bedroom door.

I celebrated Christmas morning on my hands and knees disinfecting inside kitchen cupboards, picking up bits of rice and onion from places you would never have expected to find them, using yellow fluffy dusters.  Why dusters?   Because every floor cloth, dishcloth, tea towel and hand towel had fallen victim to the deluge.

When other parents were enjoying a relaxing festive breakfast, I was rinsing vomit stained kitchen linens, Ralph Lauren men’s wear along with a selection of bedlinen.  Thank goodness the very kind Martin Bickerstaffe mended my tumble dryer Christmas Eve morning. 

Merry Christmas 2016.

Christmas Teddy